M.E.M.O.R.I.E.S.

At some memories, I cringe, thinking how stupid could I be. Sometimes I shake my head, yes, I caught myself doing that unwittingly quite a few times and often accompanied by an embarassed smile...haiz makes it even more silly. At times I get angry, very angry indeed. On how some situations is just out of your control. Some are laced with regrets. Makes me wanna blame all these negativity for my frequent memory lapse. Heeheh... Do think my memory has improved tremendously but not as good as pre-poly....trauma or all the booze and.... Whatever, but knowing how pathetic living can be, I'm always fighting against it, thinking I cannot be defeated. It's the "You look me know up, I die die want to prove to you leh" ....flashes of kids at playgound having childish fights (Guess I can blame it on assorted traumas experienced during childhood hahaha). Wanting to know that if I should die, I will without any regrets. Growing older, as I become more cynical and having seen the little ironies of life has led me to conclude that having little regrets is good enough for me to go. Here you are, going about your day as usual or as unusual depending on your suayness on the said day. Then *peng* (sound effect depends on severity of the 'hit') you come across something that triggers off a memory that further triggers more memories and so forth, that $$ may come falling down and you may take quite awhile to realise cos after all the flashbacks you'll be going... a) WTF am I doing... b) Wat would have happened if... c) Wah liao, why couldn't I just tahan d) If only I saved all that $$$ ( while $$ is still falling from the sky as you contemplate on your memories) e) I could have worked as a.....(lawyer, doctor, engineer is out for me)